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"FLASH"
by
Jamie S. Rich
Jeff
ultimately decided he would wear a dark blue suit jacket with no
shirt underneath. He was feeling a bit loopy and thought that it
would fit the mood. It was important one looked the part they were
going to play. Jeff was Romeo. And he was Juliet.
The
stereo played some band he knew and liked, but most people made
fun of him for it. It was a strange band, lead by a sensual, pouty
boy with a flip hairdo that Jeff copied to the best of his abilities.
No,
no, he thought, the song shifting, changing, I think I'll
skip the suit jacket and go for my best ruffled shirt. His moods
were swift like that.
Saturday
night's all right for many things. Jeff was going dancing. He hoped
to lure someone. Boy. Girl. Didn't matter. His singer struck a pose
on his wall. Jeff copied it, copied staring that way, eyes down,
lips tight, come hither, young thing. Strut like a fuck in
your shiny black shoes, eyelined wink, mouth painted like a bruise.
Jeff sang along and attacked the mirror, his faithful audience,
his adoring fans, his doorway from this boring bedroom to the world's
stage.
Ten
to nine on a Saturday night. Jeff was fifteen.
*
Jeff's
ride pulled up outside. They honked their horn and shouted. "Come
on! Let's go!"
Jason
was the oldest. He was sixteen and had a car. He fancied he was
River Phoenix. He wanted to die like that. Dave liked heavy metal
and fucked his pillow every night before falling asleep. Jeff didn't
like them much, but they got him where he wanted to go and that
was that. Sweet fuck all.
*
Techno
blisters popped in his ears. The steady boom from the speakers and
the bright lights and the gaping eyes and he was lost and out in
it. Jeff danced, swinging his arms forward and around, gazing over
everyone's heads like they weren't there. Only him. Only Jeff.
A boy
with cropped black hair sidled over and started dancing in front
of him. Jeff turned his back on the boy.
"Hey,
there, what's the matter? Don't you want to dance with me?"
"I
only dance alone."
"Bitch."
He
thought to himself, the gun's not loaded, the gun's not loaded,
sashaying to the sounds.
In
his head, pictures of low-lit rooms with TVs and glamorous photos
taped to the walls. On the bed, a big soft pillow filled with feathers,
and there are roses on the nightstand and a bottle of something
red and sinister. He is lead in by a face concealed in shadows,
and the low light goes out completely.
Jeff
felt himself starting to sweat and decided it was time to stop
for
a drink. He had his fake ID, but it was an all-ages club and there
were no alcoholic drinks served anyway. But there were strange
pills
for those who wanted them and who would look around to get them.
And all ages meant all ages, with old cats cruising young kittens
and young kittens sharply clawing in hidden corners. Jeff ordered
a juice. It was tart, and he drank it carefully with a straw
so
he wouldn't wipe away too much of his shiny pink lipstick. He leaned
on the rail of the balcony and looked at everyone dancing around
beneath him. There was a woman singing on the record. That probably
wasn't as important as the beat to most people, but Jeff liked
the
sound of her voice and the way she said words like "alone"
and "love." It was sweet and sad.
A girl
with bobbed hair was standing next to Jeff. She had black, plastic
sunglasses on. They had rhinestone studs in the upper corners of
the frames. She had pale skin and her lips were painted wonderfully
red. She stood there for many moments without saying anything. She
leaned on the rail, her hands crossed one over the other. She smelled
like chamomile tea.
The
girl turned to Jeff. "Hello," she said. She spoke softly.
Like a white dandelion seed on the wind. "I'm Daphne."
"I'm
Jeff," he replied.
They
smiled at each other and then looked away. Jeff imagined she was
nervous. He was toying with her. She may be the one, though,
he thought. He hadn't decided yet.
"Do
you think it's hot in here?" she asked
"Is
that all you could come up with?" he laughed.
"I'm
sorry." She giggled lightly. Like a bird choking on popcorn.
"What do you think I should have said?"
"You
should have said, 'My, don't I have gorgeous eyes?' and then
I could
have said, 'I don't really know. You're wearing sunglasses.'"
"That's
marvelous. No, really, it is."
"I
know many marvelous things," he said.
"That's
a good type of knowledge. Everyone should have that."
"I
know. Do you know anything marvelous?"
"No.
I can't think that way. I can only think like pop songs. I'm
envious
of thinkers."
"Would
you like to dance, Daphne?"
"There
you go. Thinking marvelous again."
Daphne
grabbed his hand and tugged him down the stairs to the dance floor.
Beats of sweat dotted the song. As they danced, Jeff's head lolled
back and forth, his eyes skipping past where hers were hiding beneath
their dark shells. She watched him and smiled, but he kept his interest
away. Jeff didn't want to dance for her. Not yet. He hadn't made
up his mind whether he liked her or not.
As
the song dwindled, Jeff stopped moving, to see how Daphne would
react. She stopped, too, and stood there, smiling. Pained moments
of silence, and she giggled.
"Well
..." Jeff said.
She
said nothing in return. Only giggled and smiled.
"It
was nice knowing you, Daffy," he said, and turned away, slipping
between two bodies and leaving her behind him in the crowd. He
didn't
laugh or even give a knowing wink to himself. He just exited.
Jeff
danced alone for the next couple of songs, and then he stepped back
through the crowd, to where he left her. There were other people
there now, other people dancing. He kept moving and came out on
the other side of the floor. Daphne was over there, by the bathrooms,
sipping another drink. Jeff went and stood next to her. He looked
out at the dance floor, his back against the wall, his shoulder
almost touching her shoulder.
"Hello,
again," Jeff said.
Her
face betrayed nothing. "Hiya," she said.
Jeff
stared into the lights. "You know, if I squint enough, I can
almost make them look like stars," he said.
"What?" she
asked.
"The
lights."
"Oh."
"Almost."
"I
don't much care."
"I'm
sorry," he said.
"No.
You're not," she said.
"Oh,
but I am," he insisted. "I'm alone out there. Whether
I'm with someone else or not, I'm alone. Only with you is there
anybody. Nobody smells quite like you."
"How
do I smell?"
Oooops.
He had taken a wrong step. He would have to lie. She did smell like
something. She smelled like chamomile tea. He doubted that was very
romantic to her. It was only slightly to him.
"Like
all my favorite things," Jeff said. "You smell like my
house late at night when I've finally gotten comfortable enough
to sleep."
Daphne
smiled, but turned her head to hide it from him. Jeff saw it anyway.
"Would
you like to dance some more?" he asked her.
"No," she
said.
"Okay.
What would you like to do?"
"I
don't know."
"C'mon,
then, let's dance while you think about it. Okay?"
She
followed him out. The song was softer, but with a good rhythm, and
he kept his eyes on her, never looking away, showing he was sincere.
Soon, she stared only at him, too. Songs passed, faded out, fell
together, and they moved with it until they and the music became
one singular note, like a string plucked by godly fingers, the vibration
of perfection.
*
"Will
you walk me home?" Daphne asked, when the club closed.
"Sure," Jeff
said.
He
took her hand and kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, "Anywhere." She
giggled.
Outside,
it was cold. Though the streetlights were on, all the buildings
were dark, and the sky seemed uncommonly huge. Her hand was warm
in his, except for the rings on her fingers. Their metal seemed
even colder than the night air. That made Jeff feel strange.
"Do
you like coffee?" she asked him.
"Sometimes," Jeff
replied.
"Coffee
would be good right now," Daphne said. "Coffee with mint.
Like poets might drink were they in Paris."
"That's
a strange place for a poet to be."
Daphne
laughed out loud. "I'm sorry," she said, briefly covering her mouth with
her hand. "That was very funny."
Taking
advantage of her smile, Jeff leaned in and really kissed her. Her
breath tasted like warm cider. Her lips were soft as ice cream.
He felt her energy all through his body. It shot through him like
laughter from tickled nerves. Jeff felt nice and safe and happy.
Without
speaking, they moved on. Jeff felt toasty. He felt drunk. He
didn't
even notice Daphne's rings so much anymore. And the smell of chamomile
tea had grown beautiful. And the sky was purple.
Every once in a
while, a car would pass them, bathing them in the glare of its lights
and the hum of its engine. Jeff didn't think anything of it when
Jason's Pontiac passed him by. He wasn't paying much attention to
what the cars looked like. It was when the car did a U-turn a block
ahead of them and zoomed back on their side of the road that Jeff's
stomach warbled and tightened.
The
car slowed and stopped next to the couple. Dave was hanging out
the passenger window, and Jason looked over at them from the
driver's
seat. "Hey, Jeff," Jason said. "What up? Going someplace?"
"I'm
going home," Jeff said, still walking, pulling Daphne with
him. "Der."
The
car followed them in reverse.
"Hop
in," Dave said. "We'll take you home."
"'s
okay, we'll walk," Jeff said.
"Who's
your friend?" Jason asked.
"Yeah,"
Dave laughed, "you haven't asked her, have ya? Maybe she don't
want to walk."
"Go
away," Jeff said.
The
car moved ahead of them and turned quickly to the left, stopping
in front of Jeff and Daphne, blocking their way.
"What's
goin' on with you?" Dave asked.
"We're
not letting you two walk home in the cold," Jason said.
"Besides,
it's dangerous in the city at night," Dave added.
The
two boys laughed.
"Why
don't you shits just take off?" Jeff snapped.
"That's
no way to be, Jeffy." Jason feigned being hurt.
"We're
not going to take no for an answer," Dave said.
Jeff
didn't know which way to step. There was no music to dictate how
he should move his feet.
"Come
on," Jason insisted.
"Might
as well," Daphne said. "If you know these guys, what
can it hurt?"
"Listen
to the lady," Jason said.
Jeff
felt trapped. "I guess," he said.
"All
right!" Dave exclaimed. He flung open the front door, and then
hurdled over the seat into the back, where he opened the back door,
as well. "I got your seat reserved, young lady," he laughed.
Daphne
got in the backseat and shut the door. Jeff bit his tongue and
got
in the front. "Now, ain't this cozy?" Jason asked. He
put the car into drive, spun his tires, and shot down the street.
Inside
the car, the world seemed small. Outside the window, there was only
black. Above Jeff's head, there was no sky.
"So,
little lady, I think it might be best to take you home first," Jason
said.
"My
name's Daphne."
"Hello,
Daphne. I'm Jason. The tough guy back there is Dave. Jeff's not
much on introductions."
"What's
the matter, Jeff?" Dave asked. "You ashamed of your girlfriend?"
"Shut
up, Dave," Jeff said.
"So,
Daphne, where you live?" Jason asked, looking at her in the
rearview mirror.
"Across
the river, off of 12th," she replied.
"Yeah?
Ain't that kind of ritzy?" Jason asked.
"Oh,
I don't think so." Daphne blushed.
"Do
you like music, Daphne? I got a radio in here," Jason said.
"Doesn't
everybody?" Daphne answered. "Like music, I mean."
"Well,
all right," Jason shouted. "Rock and roll!"
Jason
turned on the radio. It was some heavy metal band singing about
sex and calling it love. It was loud.
"This
sucks," Jeff said.
Jason
glared at him. "You suck," he said.
"Yeah
..." Dave laughed, "... my dick."
Jeff
sulked. He put his feet up on the dashboard and looked straight
ahead, through the dirty window at the yellow lines being sucked
under the car.
They
crossed the bridge, and Jason took a left at the light. "I'm
sorry," Daphne said. "We need to go the other way."
"Are
you sure?" Jason asked.
"Yeah,"
she said. "We have to go south. This is north."
"No,"
Jason said, "this is south."
"But
--*"
"I'm
positive," Jason said.
"You're
a liar," Jeff exclaimed. "What are you doing?"
"Take
it easy, children," Jason said. "I'm just taking you
where the action is."
Jason
put his foot down hard on the gas. Jeff heard the pedal hit the
floor. The engine cleared its throat, and the car rattled as it
shot forward. Jeff pressed his hands into the seat. The vinyl felt
like it had been buttered.
"What're
you doing?!" Jeff shouted.
"Sit
back, don't worry." Jeff didn't want to turn around. He didn't
want to know what was going through his mind. He didn't want to
see it on her face.
The
city passed like panic. Its lights fell back behind them, winking
for a second, and then skipping on. They had come to the industrial
side of town. It was dark. Things had closed down for the night.
"I
don't get it," Jeff muttered.
"Relax.
You will."
He
heard Daphne scream behind him. Mike chortled.
"Don't
get ahead of the game," Jason scolded. "All the player's
aren't on the field."
Jason
made a sharp right into an alley. He turned out the lights and pulled
the car into a loading dock. He turned off the engine, rolling it
in neutral to the edge of the platform. He left the radio on.
"What're
you doing?" Jeff asked, almost whispering. The music was loud
and buried him. Walk this way, it said, over and over.
Jason
turned around in his seat, but Jeff couldn't make himself. He
held his hands in his
lap, wringing the skin so tight it turned red. He looked at his
fingers, but his eyes saw nothing. Only white space and imagined
tears. Jason hit Jeff in the shoulder, then said, "Don't
be that way. Be a sport. Daphne is a sport, aren't you, Daphne?
Are
you okay, honey?"
"Uh
..."
"You're
not scared of us, are ya?"
Mike
guffawed.
"Look't
Mike," Jason said. "He's no different than any regular
old baboon in the zoo. He's just got no cage. He's not scary, though,
is he?"
"Hey,
man, shut up," Mike said.
"Oh,
take it easy, willya?" Jason snarled. "What's it matter?
She's not going to like us anyhow. She
doesn't need to like us."
"Oh,
God." Daphne began to cry.
"I'm
sorry," Jeff said, his voice cracking. "I'm really sorry."
"We
don't need you apologizing, either," Jason said. "Be
good, or you won't get your turn."
"Who
goes first?" Mike asked. "I don't know. Scissors, paper,
rock?" Jason said.
"I'm
sorry."
"Shut
up."
"I
am. I am."
Jason
punched him hard in the mouth. His throat filled with a thick, warm,
salty taste. He coughed. Daphne's silence echoed in his brain.
And
the night ripped like flesh on barbed wire.
#
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(c) 2002 Jamie S. Rich
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